The past popping in to say, hello
Did you know that Mercury is in retrograde?
Retrogrades are a time of reflection and review… to re-assess the past and specific areas/choices/decisions in our life.
People everywhere are warning about old boyfriends and friends popping out of the woodworks, like a final test!
(spoiler alert, they’re likely not coming back into your life for reconciliations sake or second chances
— it’s the Universe asking you to TRUST your progress and integrate what you’ve learnt since then…
I say likely, because I could be wrong.
Free will and karma always play a role )
Anyway, You know how I know it’s mercury retrograde?!
Other kinds of old loves are popping back up for me….
If you’re new to this circle or need a refresher, I’ve spent the last 7 years healing my body and mind from chronic stress and striving.
I was a very ambitious "goal-getter” before I had my daughter.
I achieved everything I set my mind to. Work was my vice until life, in it’s mercy turned my world on it’s head and forced me to slow down and heal…
there were years of fear, anxiety and trauma I was attempting to outrun.
In that slow and in that rest, I reconnected with my intuition and feminine rhythms — ones that came natural to me in early life.
They fostered a coming home and re-claimation of all the parts of myself I had lost, abandoned and rejected along the way. And in the process, I remembered my power.
Not the shadowy side of power that we’re shown in this world — but my Sovereignty.
The part of me that is Divine and One with the Infinite.
In those years of hard work and hurry, I had a companion and not-so-secret love — my PowerSheets— a goal setting system designed by my mentor at the time, Lara Casey.
Some of you may remember my monthly updates and yearly reviews in the days of blogging — the blog I later turned into a memoir called, Seeking Grace.
All of this feels like a lifetime ago. I was a completely different woman — more like half of a woman.
Because I was living in my masculine essence.
It felt safe there.
I could mask the vulnerable and scared parts of me with success and achievement. I created spaces to put my story and make sense of it…. make sense of me.
Besides my power sheets, my other companion and love was the Enneagram.
I talked on, on — and wrote endlessly — about the magic and wisdom and mysticism that is the Enneagram. Because in using it, I came to understand my deepest fears and insecurities, as well as, the parts of myself I didn’t like.
I learned to offer myself the Love and compassion I so desperately needed in order to heal and show up in the world authentically.
Both of these tools — power sheets and the enneagram — helped me tremendously with my inner work and mature as a person, in relationship and in my faith. .
So here I am again this retrograde, circling back to these old loves with curiosity..
Why now the sudden urge to re-connect?
What do they still have to teach me?
Or are my lessons with them complete?
Is there closure and acceptance I need from that time in my life?
Are there aspects I can re-integrate?
With the wisdom of a much more whole and healed Kailey, I am asking… and listening for answers.
Feel free to borrow them, as you notice what parts of your past are popping in to say Hello.
I am constantly reminding myself what I’ve learnt:
It’s OK to:
Go Slow
Lay Low
Say No
Let Go
To let the wisdom of my needs guide me. Because I’m no good to anyone else, if I cannot care for myself.
I mother myself in this way because being human is not easy
… it’s not easy to stay open after the pain.
… it’s not easy to trust after the heartbreak.
… it’s not easy to believe after the loss.
… it’s not easy to remain in the body after trauma.
… it’s not easy to stay grounded through the fear.
…. it’s not easy to stay sane through the chaos.
Not because we’re doing it wrong or because there is something wrong with us
It just is.
As we enter the last quarter of this year, I have space to welcome two sacred souls who want to begin their coaching journey between now and the close of 2021… only two!
I will also be accepting only a small number of one-on-one clients in the new year.
So if you’ve been thinking about it or have been on the fence about getting started, HIT REPLY and let’s see if it’s a good fit!
Together — and forever— in the process,
Kailey