I was almost always afraid.
This prayer is attributed to St. Patrick:
“Christ be with me
Christ before me”
I used to recite these words on repeat
whenever I was scared as a child.
I had no idea how I knew them
or where they came from.
I just knew it gave me comfort
and felt like a powerful protection shield.
I would visualize Yeshua walking ahead of me
clearing my path of potential threats
or standing beside me so I was never alone.
Because I was almost always afraid.
The world never felt safe to me.
I felt vulnerable and exposed
I trusted no one — not even a stranger to help me in times of need.
I had my reasons for this;
Experiences to re-enforce those beliefs.
But I continuously feared LIFE.
And my thinking had me feeling that
the very best I could hope for
was survival.
I lived like this for decades.
Like many women do…
A quiet unspoken reality
harboured in shame
and reinforced by silence.
Hoping the less we’re seen
And less room we take up,
The more safe we’ll be
But in truth,
this type of living
only perpetuates more of the same.
More pain
More hurt
More suffering
Like a bad joke;
One terrible self-fulfilling prophesy.
What I loved most about religion
was that it gave me a reason
to justify my experience of life
And hope
in some greater meaning behind it
I also loved that I could count on someone else
to save me from it all
Because I was tired —
Weary from saving myself and everyone else,
since childhood
The most confronting
And terrifying truth
came amidst deconstruction
When I discovered that I play a part in my reality
And that I have the power within me to change it.
I can still feel old triggers and anger rise within me as I type that.
It took some incredibly sensitive and powerful women
(Read: women!)
—Living and Ascended—
to hold space for me as I sat with this
And felt the immense discomfort of choosing to mature spiritually.
They blessed the narrow path I walked on
And mirrored possibility.
They spoke courage at every juncture
and helped midwife me through the labour pains of new life
From a place of disempowerment
to choosing the remembrance of my innate Empowerment
Until I wore my crown of Sovereignty
once again
and embodied my Divine Essence.
That is no small miracle.
And it certainly takes a village!
For each of these women, I am truly grateful.
They are the Soul contracts,
that offered to help me on The way.
It is my hope and prayer
that if your soul feels a stirring
you may receive the same from me
Safe passage through the wilderness of your own evolution
Just as it was ordained
in Heaven, as on Earth
So you can move
From surviving to thriving
As a highly sensitive women
And finally feel safe
in relationship
in your body
and on this earth
Whether that’s through one-on-one mentorship or group coaching, it would be my honour to hold sacred space for you.
Christ be with you.
Christ before you.
Happy St. Patricks Day