In the wait.

I feel open and exposed in ways I don’t yet have words for or full clarity.

I’m wrestling with truth I’m not quite sure are my own – to embrace them or release them.

Still feeling the blanket of dense fog lifting ever... so.... slowly.

I want forward movement; to set intentions, take action and claim my victory -- and yet I can’t quite grasp them.

What they are
or even, what I want.

I confess I still fear myself; of making the wrong decision.
Walking away when I should stay.
Taking the easy way out.

Or is this my true turn off…
Time to exit the highway of "what-has-been-and-who-I’ve-known-myself-to-be" ?

Honestly I have no clue. 
 

In this unknown place and feeling, the temptation is to think with my mind; try to figure it out in my head.

Weight all the possibilities. 
Make pro con lists.
Venture down ever rabbit hole. 
 

But I know the answer lies within my heart and what I need is to go within.
And listen.

Listen to the quiet strings and tickling nudges ; the ones that make me slightly uncomfortable but also excited -- perhaps exhilarated by possibility

People. 

Finances. 

Resources. 

Connections. 

Community. 

Space. 

I pray for its arrival and appearance in alignment with my souls calling and The Highest Good.

In advance I say,
 
yes
thank you
I accept
I receive. 

Blessed be and so it is .

Perhaps you've been experiencing the same in your own life
-- a gentle whisper asking you to stay a little longer and hold off on doing the next thing.

I feel this to be a perfect depiction of 2020.

So much has happened, (a tornado of change) AND YET, I find myself still thinking and relating to The Now, as March, when the pandemic first began.

Maybe this is this gift -- for me anyway.

I've lived so much of my life bound by the constraints of time, always feeling like there was never enough, or too much.

Days were marked by scheduled chunks and my ability to work well within them. Much of this has fallen away, despite life continuing on.

Time feels illusive; almost non-existent, right now.
And for me, has been an exercise in transcending duality; of holding that both/and, allowing them to simultaneously exist -- and belong.

In the wait, much has become clear...

not all at once, or even in full detail, but ever so slowly, I've gathered the conviction and courage to take the next right step. Whatever that is.

How to I feel about political issues and how to start addressing them in my home.

What commitments and projects I'm spending energy on that aren't serving my deeper purpose or aligned with my WHY.

The dreams I thought I wanted but am slowly discovering I don't -- or can look different.

The relationship patterns I need to break up with.

The soul work that's mine to protect, commit to and step into full force.



It's one step, one conviction, one aha moment at a time.